#coding shit and creating an AI for a game is not easy

[peaceeandcoolestvibes]

Criminal pero al menos hay viento 🌬️

[greenplumbboblover]

Hey Lyra, Hypothetically, and based on recent developments in AI and being able to use chatgbt to pretty much get an answer for most things, I've noticed some games are being completely remastered by modders/community in UE5 (eg: 2unreal5underground) and I wanted to know if you ever imagined ts3 to be "remade" in the future by the community? You are an OG so I thought it made sense to ask you as you've developed a lot of stuff for the game. So just an idea and wanted to know your thoughts???

Hey!

Oh I love this question because I have checked this out actually! (and have thought about it many times lol) :)

So we all know that TS3's scripting API runs on C#. Unity is also purely C# in that sense (well okay their engine is also written in C++ but generally speaking, it's C#). So, in theory, this would be possible. Unreal would be harder as you'd have to create the game basically from scratch. Including the code.

However, the bottleneck comes to stuff that needs to be rewritten. For example (assuming we'd use Unity as a reference), some things that come to mind that are handled by the C++ side of TS3's engine would need to be "Unity-fied" such as:

Thumbnail creation. That one is easy.

Package reading/loading/writing. That one is doable because of the amount of wiki info on it. Though, not everything is reversed engineered, unfortunately.

Convert everything to use Unity's calculations and helper classes. Since those are, often, 10000x better than EAs more "cheaper" methods. (they're often made for one purpose rather than multiple in mind, which makes things much more challenging than they have to be.)

Routing needs to be completely redone, since Unity also has its own (better) routing system. \

Somehow make EA's custom UI elements work with Unity's UI. Or completely rework it.

Save readings. Although if it was totally up to me I'd rework that myself to be much lighter.

I do know what needs to happen, but I haven't really attempted it because by myself it's A LOT of work that definitely will take years to do on my own.

However, I do have a secret thing to share :p

I had for funs, made a TS3 bodyshop thingy as my first Unity project. It looks cool right now, but it's a bit shit in regards to the coding, because I was really new to Unity). Plus it's SO SLOW!... I was thinking of redoing the whole thing after the core mod for Hobbies and Interests was out.

Here are some pictures!

Anyways, I may check it out. But I may just stick with my little bodyshop program for the time being :p

[phightinghottakes]

Okay so! If you actually open your eyes and read the wiki you can see that these two have a familial relationship. You don't ship two people who have a confirmed familial relationship unless you're incest lover/proshipper. That's it. It's that easy. And don't bring up some kind of lore that doesn't make sense due to the game being in the alpha phase. Again, the wiki EXPLICITLY says Pwnatious sees Carnage as a parental figure. Thanks!

The wiki also says that Pwnatious had a nanny and Carnage as a caretaker came later. Carnage wasn’t Pwnatious’s primary caregiver.

Also even if it is confirmed in the Wiki, I think Pwnatious seeing Carnage as a familial figure is fucking stupid as hell.

(Long rant past this point)

First of all, Pwnatious would most likely see Carnage as an object of some kind. It’s a robotic bodyguard. It’s beneath them.

Secondly, when was Carnage created? To be generous, let’s assume that Omegas were the first biograft models to be created, and the whole “Biografts were invented 3 years ago” exclusively refers to Zeta biografts (the in-game ones).

The development of the original Omegagraft likely would’ve taken multiple years. Its AI is complex as shit considering it was able to develop a personality, and its body is massive and moves like a regular inphernal’s. Any Omegas after the first could just be copied from it, but the original planning, coding, and building of the first would take a hell of a lot of time.

The number of years between Medkit and Subspace’s incident and the present Phighting day I see most often is 10 years. At the time of the incident, Subspace would be 20 and Pwn would be 18.

For the sake of argument, let’s assume the crystal research took place over 1 year, Carnage was one of the first Omegagrafts ever created, and the original Omegagrafts were designed, created, tested, and released to the market over the span of 3* years.

Under this model, if Omegagrafts were created before the incident, Subspace started developing them at 16, finished them at 19, and Carnage was given to Pwn when they were 17. If Omegas were made immediately** after the incident, Subspace started them at 20, finished them at 23, and Carnage was given to Pwn when they were 20. 17 already feels too old for Pwn to be actively developing a hard parental with a brand new*** Carnage, much less 20. I don’t doubt they’d feel some kind of close bond to it, considering Carnage’d be like. The second thing to show some sort of care and protectiveness over them. But I doubt it’d be as strong as seeing Carnage as an actual parent.

*’ Incredibly generous assumption btw.

** Assuming Subspace didn’t take any time to investigate his rot and at least attempt to find a cure before beginning development of the biografts

*** ‘Brand new’ meaning no personality and only having information provided at first booting up, closer resembling that of the in-game Zetagrafts

[stupid-mr-fox]

Something that bugs me about the talk about LLM based / ML based generative art is it has a habit of conflating all forms of programatic art together like Ik systems for animation or post processing effects. Graphics programming and technical art are very cool and interesting disciplines! It takes a lot of skill and creativity to make it work and watching people conflate them with AI drives me crazy! I had a friend of mine ask if the results of a ray marching based shader of mine was AI generated and I felt insulted. These models are LMM based and rely on other people’s data, which isnt of post processing or rendering systems in video games. I think making that distinction is important because it keeps the criticisms more in focus. These models classify people’s work into styles for others to make art objects that are very similar to those artists works. This means that using it as a tool for plagiarism is very easy! And it is possible to do it accidentally since it is going to use more than one word to classify the images with. You might type in a prompt involving a castle a create a work just like someone else. Art in games like Manifold Garden don’t need other people’s data to look beautiful (See below). It uses graphics programming to create the lighting, colors, and create the looping effect. There are plenty of ways to learn to make art without needing to draw by hand that don’t rely on theft!

Also Business people keep saying it’s going to replace people but that’s because they don’t understand the pipelines they are trying to disrupt. It is always going to be easer to do something yourself since AI can’t read your mind. There is a level of control you by directly drawing or coding something you can’t get by typing it out. If AI tools get adopted, they will likely be used to rapidly iterate on ideas or concepts, or generate stock/placeholder assets. It can’t generate what you want since it can only use what already exists, and will never make something that perfectly lines up with your situation. Even if you use LLM based tools to make shit via prompt, it will rarely work without making adjustments to it. They are useful at recreating work the you have already done dozens of times and could get by doing a google search. Given those limitations, why would you hire someone who only knows how to use mid journey when you can hire someone who can draw AND manipulate a LLM. Obviously we don’t want a world where people have to use tools that rely on theft, but it’s insane to me that these people actually think that these tools will just “art” for them when having a good understanding of what makes good art is required even if these tools take off as they are! It highlights just how lazy and delusional these “prompt engineers” are.

These could be really interesting tools if they were actually made by people who understood what good tools for artists looked like and didn’t rely on stealing and enabling plagiarism! Joel Haver’s animations are a great example of an artist using a procedural animation tool (Ebsynith is the name I believe) which can be useful for artists. It takes a recorded scene and using a single altered /drawn frame, use it to alter the whole scene to reflect that frame. It isn’t LLM or ML based, and it gives the artist more control over the output. It doesn’t rely on taking from other people, only the stuff you make yourself. We need to make more tools like that rather than relying on theft.

TL;DR AI gets conflated with other more ethical graphics programming tools and obfuscates the real issues. AI relies on the work of others and even then needs adjustments to work the best. It can’t replace artists and acting like it does it all for you is silly. We should make better more ethical tools instead.

i almost feel like i keep contradicting myself on my stance towards ai art like. At once i think it is a cool tool and it's a valid way of making art and like, idk, the making images based on existing images is a bit more akin to collage than anything. actually i think i'll end the post there

[sylvanas-girlkisser]

What languages would you recommend for someone trying to get into programming? Like to learn

Really depends on a lot of factors, like whether you're looking for a job or just a hobby, want to work in the frontend (visuals and stuff) or backend (data, security, etc). but here's a few suggestions:

If you do any kind of IT degree chances are they'll either start you out with Javascript (used in making websites) or Python (potentially used for anything). As such there's a lot of tutorials and stuff out there to learn from.

However Javascript is kinda wonky, and nobody really uses it for anything anymore, and Python is kind of a baptism by fire imo - also in the real world its only really used for wizard shit like AI and robots.

Flutter is kind of the hip thing at the moment, it can be used for making apps, websites and computer programmes. It's also fairly easy to pick up and make something nice with, though you will occassionally run into some weird witchcraft errors where you just have to accept that things are a certain way to appease our dread lady Nyarlathotep the crawling chaos.

If you're feeling masochistic / want a skillset thats guaranteed to not go anywhere for the next 20 years you could also try to learn C# (pronounced "See-Sharp"). This is mostly intended for creating databases and shit which is honestly too abstract to be interesting to me, though its also the language used for making video games in Unity.

I'd also recommend reading up on the concept of "Computational Thinking" (basically learning to think like a computer). I find that a lot of people who struggle with learning to code do so because they don't understand the underlying concepts, e.g. that a computer can only ever do one thing at a time.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Spring 2021 anime overview: Quick Takes

Now for my Spring 2021 anime thoughts! I’ve decided from now on if a season’s like, 20- to-24 episodes I’m just going to wait ‘til it’s done to review it unless I feels super passionately, so though I watched To Your Eternity (it’s good!) and MHA (eh), I’ll comment on them next time. Also, for the record, I watched the first eight eps of Joran: Princess and Snow of Blood but I dropped it because it had clearly crossed the line from entertainingly dumb to boring dumb. 

I will probably give Supercub and some other stuff a shot later, this was a stacked season! May give updates on all that later, but this is what I have for now.

ODDTAXI

Quick Summary: A mild mannered middle-aged walrus taxi driver is drawn into a case involving a missing girl, yakuza, Youtube clout-chasers, manzai comedians and idols with big secrets.

It’s rare to walk away from media and be like “that is a singular experience I will definitely never see repeated again” but ODDTAXI is definitely one of those. A tense noir thriller murder mystery starring cartoon animals that spends an entire episode detailing the one (cat)man’s very fall into darkness triggered by addiction to gacha games and an online auction for a novelty eraser? Also there’s a porcupine Yakuza who speaks entirely in rap? Also there’s tons of meandering conversations about stuff like manzai comedy and the struggle to go viral on Twitter?

Admittedly, I had a hard time getting into the first episode, the dry meandering humor not being enough to hold my attention while I was sitting still, but once I watched this while I was working out at the end of the season, I found it an easy binge. A ton of characters with dark secrets or dangerous ambitions, each with their own part to play in a tableau of intersecting events- and it all actually comes together really well.(As for the female characters, it’s a pretty dude driven story, but they do get nuanced characterization and even some good heroic moments from one of them.)

 It’s a great example of a carefully planned narrative paying off, with all the twists appropriately seeded and foreshadowed to reward viewers who paid attention. Even when it ended on a perfect “OH SHIT” moment and denied me closure, I couldn’t help but respect it. If you that all sounds interesting to you, definitely check out the first couple episodes and see if you like it- you’re likely to have a memorable, satisfying experience!

Shadows House

Quick Summary: Emilyko is a ‘living doll’ who’s told she was created to act as the ‘face’ of her shadow master, Kate. The shadows and their ‘dolls’ all reside on the mansion and are required to pass a ‘debut’ to prove they’re a good pairing. If they don’t pass, they might be disposed of. And so the mystery of the Shadow mansion grows...

This slice of gothic intrigue was my favorite of the season, tied with ODDTAXI. With an interesting premise, slightly tense undertones and a strong focus on character building and relationships, it kept me hooked the whole way through. And for any squeamish fans put off by the hype about it, don’t worry, while there are some suspenseful elements, I wouldn’t qualify it as horror. I thought the relationship between Kate and Emilyko might end up being a completely sinister one, but it’s thankfully a lot more complex than that and it’s really interesting to follow how both their characters and relationship grow. The focus of the show is, unsurprisingly, on the “dolls” slowly discovering their autonomy and personhood as they struggle under the rigid system imposed on them by the mysterious elders of this weird Victorian mansion. Can they develop a more equitable relationship with their shadow “masters” (who are also shown to suffer under this system)? There’s a lot to dig into there, and the show has the characters develop through learning to understand and appreciate each other, which is pretty heartwarming. Our hero, Emilyko, is the typical plucky ball of sunshine (they even nickname her sunshine), but she’s also shown to be clever in her own off-the-wall way and she bounces off the far more subdued and cynical Kate well, not to mention the other ‘dolls’ she ends up befriending. 

What’s more, the show spends plenty of time to developing several other character pairings and combinations, and they all have their own interesting dynamic that makes you want to see more of them. Same-gender bonds are at the forefront of this show, and many of them are ripe for queer readings (I definitely appreciated the healthy helping of ladies carrying ladies), but even outside that it’s nice to see a show where a strong, complex bond between girls is at the forefront. My only real complaints about the show are the anime original ending is noticeably a bit rushed (though it’s not too bad, and leaves room for a season 2) and I wish the animation used the whole “shadow” theme more strikingly (like the opening and endings do)- instead the colors are a bit washed out which makes the shadows blend into the background sometimes. The “debut” arc also drags a bit in places, but it makes up for it by having a lot of good character integration.

I hope to check out the (full color)! manga soon and see more of this quirky, shadowy story. There’s some physical abuse depicted, sad things happening to characters and naturally the whole “oppressive familial system” thing, but otherwise not much I can think of to warn about. I give this one a big rec, especially If you’re a fan of gothic fairytales and stories of self discovery.  

Zombie Land Saga Revenge

Quickest summary: In this sequel season, everyone’s favorite zombie idol group must claw their way back into prominence after a disastrous show- the fate of the Saga prefecture LITERALLY depends on it!

This was a fun follow-up to the first season- if you liked the first zombie-girl romp, you’ll probably enjoy this one. In fact, there were a couple areas it improved on- namely, Kotaro failed, ate crow and embarrassed himself a lot more this season, which made him more likeable (as did the fact the girls gained a lot of independence from him). This season also shed more light on what the ‘goal’ of this zombie raising project is and what kind of shit Kotaro got involved with to make this happen, and it’s appropriately off-the-wall and ridiculous. We finally got some backstory for Yugiri too! I wish it had focused on more of her interiority, but she got to be a badass in it, and it was a treat to see this zombie idol show turn into a period piece for a couple episodes (also her song ruled).

 Tae also got a cute focus episode and there was a particular SMASHING performance early on! Also That revelation last season that had the potential to turn creepy hasn’t yet, and hopefully never will. The finale was heartwarming with big hints of more drama to come- I’m definitely down for more zombie hijinks!

Vivy: Flourite Eye’s Song

Quickest Summary: A songstress AI named DIVA (nicknamed Vivy) is approached by another AI named Matsumoto, who says he’s from the future and they must work together to prevent AI exterminating all of humankind 100 years from now.

This show is absolutely gorgeous visually with some really nice action scenes, but when it comes to the story my feelings basically amount to a shrug. It’s fine! I guess! Vivy starts out as an interesting layered character- and I guess still is by the end- with her stoic but stubborn determination bouncing off her fast-talking bossy partner Matsumoto well. She never listens to him, which is delightful. The way the show took place over the course of 100 years was an interesting conceit as well. However, it bought up a lot of themes and then sort of... dropped them. For instance, Vivy interprets her mission (PRIME DIRECTIVE if you will) as protecting humans at all costs, no matter how destructive said humans are or what their fate is supposed to be, and is perfectly willing to murder her fellow androids to do this, showing she inherently thinks of androids (herself and her own people!) as less worthy. Which is a little alarming! There’s a very dramatic point in the show where they bring this up as a potential conflict for her character but then it’s sort of...dropped. Pretty much.

Actually, despite the premise, the show doesn’t dip into the “AI rights” as much as you think it would with the main theme being more about Vivy’s search to find her own creativity and discover what it means to ‘pour your heart into something’. Vivy herself doesn’t actually care if she has rights or anything. Which is in some ways fine, because ‘AI as an oppressed class’ has been done to death, but IT’S ALSO KIND OF IN THE PREMISE, so that means that the show just shrugs really hard at a lot of the questions it brings up  basically just going “humans and AI should work together probably” and that’s it. There’s a lot that feels underexplored. The antagonists in the show also either have motivations that don’t really make sense or have boring hackneyed motivations. In the finale in particular, it feels like a lot of things happen “just because” and it falls a little flat.

I also have to warn that one of the arcs focus on a robot ‘pairing’ where the dude-coded robots actions toward his partner are straight up awful and rob her of her autonomy, but it’s played like a tragic love story. I suppose you could read it differently too, but it definitely made me go ‘ew’ the story seemed to want me to sympathize with this robo dude,

Overall, I wouldn’t anti-recommend this show, it’s an all right little sci-fic romp (and definitely SUPER pretty). My favorite element was definitely the episodes where Vivy develops an entirely new (an loveable) personality, because it played with the idea of of an AI getting “rebooted” really well and interplay between her two “selves” was done really well. But there are a lot of other parts of the show that just feel...a little underexplored and empty, making me have an ‘eh’ feeling on the show overall. It’s definitely an ambitious project, and while it didn’t quite stick the landing, there’s something to be said for a show that shoots for the stars and falls short over a show that just languishes in mediocrity.

Fruits Basket The Final

Quick summary: The final season of that dramatic drama about that weird family with a zodiac curse and the girl who loves them.

It’s very weird that after not cutting a lot out, they kinda sped through some material for, you know, the finale. I guess they thought they couldn’t stretch this final arc to 26 episodes? Or weren’t cleared for another double cour? However, though there were a couple places that felt awkward, despite being a bit condensed it mostly held together pretty well for a D R A M A T I C and ultimately heartwarming conclusion. I was really disappointed they kept the part where Ritsu cut their hair for the ‘happy ending’, I thought  their intro episode not showing them in men’s clothes meant the anime had decided their presentation didn’t need to be “fixed” but WELL I GUESS NOT. That was the only big upset for me though, otherwise the adaptation went about how I expected, sticking to the source material. Furuba has a lot of bumps, from weird age gap stuff to ...gender, but it also has a lot of important feels and great character arcs. It was a gateway shoujo for many and has its important place in animanga history, so I’m glad it finally got a shiny, full adaptation.

[bluemoon-writer]

Childhood Friends AU: Max and Markov (Marxkov)

Part 1- In which Max ‘makes’ a friend

(2.6k words)

Masterlist Here

A/N: I got a bit carried away while writing and this became less of a list of bubbly making headcanons and more of a tragic origin story, so it’s a little different from the Marikim headcanons, so let me know what you guys think.

------

-Max’s mother, Claudie, gets pregnant with him at age 18

-he was an accidental pregnancy

- his father, Adam Kante, had just enlisted in the French Armed Forces and his mother was just starting university

-it wasn’t ideal circumstances, but his parents loved each other and didn’t want to give up

-So his dad proposed, and was stationed in Paris until Max was born

-unfortunately, then he was sent off to an overseas base

-Luckily, Claudie’s brother steps up to help out.

-Two years older than his sister, he was very different from her and her husband. While both of them were disciplined and fact oriented, he was more laid-back

-His dream was to be a stand-up comedian, and his stage name was Mark Oz

-He worked at night so he was able to watch Max during the day so Claudie could go to school

-With Adam away for so long, Mark became a father figure of sorts to Max

-They would spend most of the day together, and Mark realized early on that he had a child-genius on his hands

-So he bought extra learning material for Max

-He encouraged Max as much as could to peruse whatever academics interested

-Max was only 3 though, so nothing truly interested him more than Transformers

-Mark played the cartoon as background noise one day, and Max was instantly hooked

-He watched every episode

-For his birthday, he received only Transformers figurines

-when he started school he would draw new transformers in Art class

-For his 5th birthday, his mom bought him a robotics kit (a child-friendly robotics kit)

-and his Uncle bought him a coding Manuel

-Max found his new passion

-him and his uncle spent days building simple robots

-he was so fascinated by robots that he spent most of his free time learning more

-he dreamed about one day creating his own transformer

-and his Uncle helped him.

-He was never super academic but was still had the family brains.

-He full heartedly threw himself into Max’s passion

-inadvertedly, it helped his career. He created one of the most unique stand up comedy routines ever heard in Paris, those lucky enough to see it raved about it for years

-Mark Oz was finally hitting it big time, and he did not give a shit

-the only person he cared about making smile everyday was his nephew

-together, the two of them continued to hone Max’s robot building skills

-Mark bought a big black notebook and in it he wrote down every robot Max wanted to build

-max would dictate the details and Mark would write it, and then Max would attach a picture he drew of it

-despite being a child genius, he was still a child and had atrocious handwriting

-Slowly they were crossing robots off the list, starting with the most simple

-a basic walking robot

-eventually, and Mark didn’t know how long it would take, but they’d get to their last robot

-a fully functioning AI

-When Max turned seven he started taking advanced classes

-His mom had just finished her PhD, one of the youngest ever to complete the program, and was considering applying to become an astronaut

-Both Mark, Max, and her husband encouraged her to go for. Adam offered be discharged from the military to look after Max, but Mark insisted that he wouldn’t mind taking care of Max

-“Neither one of you should put your dream jobs on hold. I’ve been watching Max for seven years, I love the kid, and I’ll take care of him for the rest of my life if he still wants me around.”

-And Mark kept that promise

-Unfortunately, he kept it because his life was cut short.

-It was after a late show, the driver was intoxicated and didn’t see Mark crossing the street.

-Claudie withdrew from the astronaut program and took up a job as a train driver so she could be around for Max

-Adam returned from his deployment, but things just weren’t the same. He enlisted in a third campaign after a month

-Max was devasted. His uncle was the only one who understood him.

-He didn’t speak a word to anyone for a year.

-His mom is concerned, but therapists insist that Max just needs time

-Meanwhile, Max works his way through his robot list.

-His mom offers to help him, but he refuses.

-If he can’t build them with his uncle then he’ll build them alone

-a year later he’s halfway through the list

-His mom almost cries when he asks her to come see his robots

-He spends the entire day showing her the different ones and explaining what they do

-After that, their relationship improves greatly. Max talks a lot about everything he’s interested in

-Claudie is barely able to keep up

-She’s afraid that he might have an unhealthy attachment to his robots though, and is afraid of what will happen when he completes his list

-So she introduces him to a new hobby, video gaming

-Mark had tried to get Max into it a few times but Max was more interested in Robotics and programming at the time

-Now though, in memory of his uncle, he gives it a go

-and fucking loves it

-He and his mom spend the weekend playing old games that his uncle had

-He doesn’t give up on his robots though

-Two years later, he’s down to the very last robot on his list

-His father comes home that same week, his three year campaign ended

-Once Max started speaking again, his father would video call him. Max would show him his latest robot, and his father, who didn’t know a thing about robots, would ask him as many questions as he could come up with about it

-It was slightly awkward at first, seeing his dad in person, but soon it faded away

-Max still didn’t want help with his robots, but he was more than happy to play video games with his father

-his dad was skilled, particularly in fighting games, and Max almost never beat him

-at first

-his dad taught him a few tricks, and Max practiced and practiced until he could beat his dad

-Max was doing pretty good

-Still, though, he seemed to have an aura of sadness around him

-His dad asked him one day what games he liked to play with his friends

“I don’t have friends”

-It was the advanced classes. They were filled with older kids, and none of them wanted to befriend a 10 year-old

-His parents decided to pull him out at the end of the year.

-For college, he’d be going to a regular (though very good) school with kids his own age

-Francois Dupont had a great reputation, and offered him an academic scholarship

-His dad enlisted in another campaign

-Max was sad to see him leave, but was feeling happier than he had been in a while

-He continued to work on his last robot

-He turned 11 and started school at Francois Dupont

-He had no idea how to interact with kids his own age

-He was seated next to a hyperactive kid who introduced himself as Kim

-They were in the very front row and Kim joked that the teacher was already trying to keep an eye on them

-it wasn’t very funny, but Max almost fell over laughing

-“Wow, if you thought that was funny, just wait till you meet my friend Marinette!”

-“I’m sorry its just that…I would never disrupt class. Knowledge is the most valuable thing we can gain, and I intend to gain as much as I can.”

“I don’t know man, that sounds kind of like something a mad scientist would say.”

“well, I am trying to build the world’s first sentient AI in my mom’s basement.”

-Being at a regular school is a relief to Max

-The homework is extremely easy in comparison to what he’d been doing before, which gives him more time to work on his robot

-(bare with me through this next part guys, I do not know anything about science, mechanics, or engineering so this will probably be a heaping load of bullshit)

-the biggest difficulty in the creation of this robot was not creating an AI, many people have done that before, but rather figuring out how to allow it to feel without programming emotions into it

-Max had been doing a lot of research on Markov chains lately

-He believed that being able to code the ability to predict events would lead to a breakthrough on how to code the comprehension of emotions

-but the Markov process and chains were extremely complicated

-but, Max was out of ideas

-so he spent weeks reading about all the research and experiments. He read about modern day applications of it, analyzed the codes he could get his hands on

-and then he made his own.

-He didn’t need his AI to study systems, but rather humans

-ideally, if he did his code right, the AI would scan the web for all examples of human behavior to catalog and process it. Hopefully, then it would gain the ability to comprehend human emotion

-Max figured he would know if it worked if it was able to predict how people would react to different things being said to them

-sure enough, he was right…in a way

-Max didn’t think he’d be able to achieve true sentience like what the transformers had

-He was trying to give his AI the ability to understand emotions, not the ability to feel

-and yet, somehow, from the first day the robot was online, he seemed to have emotions

-it confounded Max

-He spent all of winter break talking to the robot

-trying to determine if it really felt

-He started just by talking to it

-it had access to all the knowledge on the internet, yet it seemed to have trouble grasping many theories about philosophy and morals

-Max accidentally stayed up the entire night discussing moral relativism with it

-He counted it’s ability to ask questions and hold a conversation in it’s favor

-however, that’s what Max was aiming for in the first place, and it didn’t convince him it had feelings

-he had to admit though, he truly hoped it did as he was quickly considering the robot as his first true friend

-in the weeks they spent talking Max told the robot his life’s story

-and the robot replied with genuine sympathy

-Max connected with it in a way that he’d only connected with one other person before

-he showed it a video of his uncle’s stand up routine

-when the robot started laughing Max was blown away

-not by the laugh, but by it’s reaction to it

“Oh no! Max, I am afraid I had a malfunction! Do you think it is possible for auditory signals to transmit a virus?”

“What? No, that’s laughter. It’s natural, especially when you’re listening to someone as funny as my uncle.”

“Yes, the brother of your mother. You mentioned he had a career as a comedian, and a quick scan of the web shows that he was quite successful.”

“Yeah, he was.”

“You sound sad. Were you close?”

(it’s only because it’s a robot and has advanced hearing sensors that it’s able to hear Max’s “Yes”)

-Max really hopes the robot truly is sentient

-What finally convinced him is when he heard it cry

-He’d left it in the basement to get eat dinner, promising to be back in half an hour

-but got drawn in to a round of video games with his mother

-sure enough, a few hours past before Max remembered he left the robot in the basement

-he shrugged it off as an accident until he got to the basement door and heard quiet sobs

-when he went down the stairs it was the robot crying

-when Max came into hearing range, the sounds stopped

“Max! You’re back! I thought you had abandoned me!”

-it didn’t seem possible, but Max could hear the happiness in the robot’s voice

-in that moment, Max made a decision

-“How do you feel about the name Markov?”

“Like the chains?”

“Yes, but Markov also sounds like…Mark Oz.”

“…I would be honored to be named after someone who was so important to you.”

-Max introduces Markov to his mom

-She’s literally at a loss for words

-like, she knew Max was a genius, but this was something on a whole other level

-She’s incredibly proud though

-and wants to tell everyone about it

-But Max stops her

-Markov isn’t just a robot, he’s a sentient being, and more importantly, he’s his friend

-if people learned about him, they would want to take him apart to figure out how he works

-Max doesn’t want that and neither does Markov

-So his mother keeps silent

-Plus there’s still more work to be done

-Markov might be built, but there’s still a lot that could be improved

-For starters, he’s huge

-Max built him out of three old computer monitors and can’t even lift him

-luckily, Max doesn’t have to do all the work himself

-Markov creates the blueprint for a smaller body

-they go from three monitors to two to two

-but it is slow going

-the first downsize took six months because Max didn’t want to risk accidentally destroying Markov

-he’s the happiest he’s been in a while

-but Markov thinks he could be even happier

-Max hasn’t been interacting with his classmates much

-he’s on good terms with them. No one trips him or throws things at the back of his head, and he talks to some of them every now and then

-his seatmate, Kim, asks him how he’s doing every morning

-Max doesn’t realize that he could be getting an even better experience out of school

-but Markov does, he’s analyzed enough books to know that it’s vital for a young child to have multiple human friends

-so he encourages Max to reach out

-Max is hesitant, but asks Kim if he wants to come over and play video games sometime

-Kim’s response is a resounding HELL YES

-(minus the swear word bc he’s like 11)

-Max is nervous as all hell, but the moment he has a game controller in his hands it goes away

-Kim is pretty tough competition, but Max still wins most of the time

-before they know it, it’s dark outside

-The next day when they need to partner up for an assignment, Kim asks Max if he wants to be partners

-Max smiles for a week straight

-With Markov’s encouragement, Max slowly befriends most of his classmates

-He’s particularly close with his seatmate Kim and a girl from Class A named Alix

-He also meets Kim’s friend Marinette, who’s in Class A with Alix

-and her friend Nino

-Still, Max considers Markov to be his best friend

-He sits in the basement with him everyday and tells him everything that happened that day

-Markov eagerly listens to all of it

-he wants more than anything to be able to go out and things for himself.

-but for now he’s stuck in the basement

-he’s sure that one day Max will make him small enough to transport

-for now, he’s happy to listen to his best friend’s stories

-----

Bonus:

------

A/N: I didn’t mean to make Max’s life so tragic, I swear.

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[lairofsentinel]

Ok., I'm back.

I've been… drowning myself into Mass Effect Andromeda. And man, it's a painful experience. I don't have the minimun requirements, mostly in my graphic card. :( I have a nvidia gt520 of 1 gb. The minimun required is around gt 700 with 2 gb. I have to play in narrative difficult :(. It's not much of a challenge, but when the encounter is tough (meaning, a lot of objects around and a lot of enemies) my screen freezes sometimes :(. I cry so much for this. I want a new computer T_T.

Even playing it in the lowest quality I can't do it in a smooth way. I played all the mass effect series in the hardest mode T_T to enjoy the adrenaline, but I CANT NOW T_T. It's so sad that they can't make a game for low spec. computers, with the same tech that Mass Effect 2. I don't know, but that game looked marvellous and so easy to deal with in most computers… meh.

I'm playing MEA most of the time with 5 fps. Horrible, because I can't see many animations, and when chars speaks, they desynchronizes with the sound, so … you finished listening Jaarl but then, his animation goes sloooooowly in the middle. Sad, Sad. And man, Havarl is just madness… with all that vegetation. I can heard my computer swearing at me.

I hope some day I will buy a better computer, or upgrade this one to replay this game.

Spoilers Ahead

About the game and my impressions.

So far I've gone, I spent like 50 hours in this painful experience.

Got 100% viability of Eros, Havarl and Voeld, and now I've visited Aya to talk with people around and be bbf with Evfra, but senpai is so mistrustful haha.

Fist the first: who the fucking shit suggested to give us a fucking Mako?? I lose so much time trying to go somewhere with this shitty vehicle with crazy directions and being a total bullshit to climb a land a bit steep. Argh!!!. I’m so angry with this shit. More considering you can’t go, like in DAI, without the fucking horse and enjoy the view and the banter while walking. No, you have ice or radiation AND lag as fuck to worry about. Meh.

About companions?. Hey, I knew already who were going to be of my like: Jaal and Vetra. Vetra is just so… awww. The way she open her … thigns beside her jaw. Little precious badass Vetra. **Smooch**.

I don't get along much with the humans. Cora reminds me soooo much of Casandra and the disappointment of coding a straight char as a lesbian. She even has hard crushes on the Asari, but hey… no girls. When Asari are… you know, blue women.

Gil is weird. I don't know if I like him or not. Most of the time I don't get what he is talking about. But I truly love his interaction with Kallos. I think that, being in my Pathfinder's shoes, I would stress a lot more about those two, because this is not only theoretical disagreement. Man, Gil makes modifications in the core of the ship and then Kallos undoes that…. That's pretty dangerous!!! fuckers. Stop playing with our ship like kindergarten children!.

Liam is another char I don't know much what he talks about. He is specialist in crisis, and I thought it was something related to crisis in battlefield. I didn’t see any of that. Then I thought he was kind of psychologist working with the stress of the crew, which could make sense with all his suggestions to make the crew work in a smooth way… but man, he is more stressed than anyone else – well, probably not as much as Gil -

Peebe is a meh so far. I'm a bit tired of Asadi, I guess.  I wanted Liara's father. A Half-krogan Asadi would be much better.

Vetra, I love her. I'm waiting for Reyes to check, otherwise, I will go with Vetra. She got my real-life-heart already.

:( Jaal being straight is another disappointment. Well, not much. I mean, I usually don't like to romance Aliens. It feels weird to me. Like… I love Vetra but… gurl, I can't caress you, that exoskeleton of you is so turning off, lol. Plus, you may give me a deadly allergic reaction. Less tempting.

But well, Jaal should be bisexual. I mean, all aliens willing to go into a relationship with a human should be, because as I said before, if you are into aliens, what the fuck bothers you a gender that may not follow your species' rules?. Gender across species is completely useless, because culturally and socially, different species have different perceptions. But well, there you got your highly repulsion towards gay relationships. Mass effect has been always known by that. (cough cough, ME1, ME2, and barely fixed in ME3)

Jaal being so open and free with emotions could be a nice thing to see in a gay relationship. It would be fresh air.

Suvi makes me irk. This is completely biased of my part, I know, but man… I detest creationists. One thing is to believe in something, even though you respect science. Another thing is mixing both just to fit your beliefs (something that nowadays it's such a sensitive topic). Like creationists.  

They lack of real understandment of how science works and how evolutions works. And the worst of it is the fact that she is a scientist. Not that I never heard about scientists with beliefs. I know a bunch of them, but they do not go to say this thing of “God is who created everything. I explain him because everything is so perfect, and perfection can't exist without a creator”. Like.. no. First, what we know of the world is that clearly it's not perfect. (Check DeGrasse Taylor's video on youtube talking about the stupid design of the life. It's a gem.) The good things that we see today it did it ONLY through natural process: if you can survive, you sum points into the evolution scale. You can't survive?, die. Stop  spreading your failed genes. Simple as that. Nothing of “perfection” exists here. It's basically “natural eugenics”.

But well, probably some people would like her. I feel so lack of options when talking with Suvi that I can't deal with her. Like… c'mon, I've got this conversation thousand of times, and my arguments are not even here to choose!!. hahaha. So annoying I am.

Plus, Bioware is always so worried about the “butch lesbian” stereotype, but they give a fuck about the “mystical cherry lipstick lesbian” stereotype. PFFFFFT. Another lesbian char that disappoints me :( so far. Beside, extra negativity to her because she lags like hell when I talk to her… it seems her hair has a lot of rending and my computer hates her. Haha.

Drack is so lovely. I loved 2 krogans in ME series: Wrex and this one. Besides, I feel that Drack allows you to explore a nice bound that we don't see much in videogames: the grandpa/granddaughter relationship. I still don't know how his loyal mission goes, but.. he is so wise and… you can feel his years in the way he speaks, but also that gentleness that comes from a grandparent. I love him.

Man, about the ketts and the remmants. I don't know. I feel everything is reapers.

The ketts are like a cult to reapers, to that “superior one” that the Archor itself has to follow. It seems.

Remmants looks like ancient AI, in vaults UNDER the ground. This sounds to me “the seed we planted to harvest later”. Fucking reapers. There are also many suggestion all along the game related to “how weird people felt” once they were attacked by remmants. Like…. Indoctrination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (playing a prequel makes you play it so full of biases t.t)

Also, Angara are SO fucking similar to Prothean. I wonder if they are not protheans that evolved in another way in Havarl. They even have prothean's sculptures all over the planet… like.. please, bring Liara here, I need to talk to her about this!.

And you also saw that thing of “remembering past lives”. This is the object that Javik used to have in his room, when he asks you what you would do if you would see all the past times, the dead people alive, the old ancient skies, all again but then, returning to reality, you would be shocked by it, because all that is gone. That's exactly what that “family heirloom” does. I'm totally convinced angara ARE protheans. A different evolved branch though.

Also… did you see that fucked reaper in Eos?. The one that came up from the ground?. Fuck shit. I put s settlement in Eos, as the game forces you, but now I regret it. That fucking reaper asshole is orbiting around Eos, SCANNING it!!! WTF!!!!

But well, I will continue playing all these days ahead and keep sharing my thoughts about this.

I need to find Reyes before Vetra got me completely (I want to see if Reyes is worthy a shot, probably I won't replay this game until I have a proper computer because lag is super painful), and I have no idea when or where I will find him.

I'm still in the quest of bringing hope to the Angara and working most of the time in 100% viability in the planets I can land. I've just  been allowed to go into Aya because I saves Moshae.

I hate to work (in real life lol) and break my beautiful daydream of playing without stop.  Haha.

I will sleep so bad these days.

[aurelliocheek]

A Year of Rain: Writing Strategies

How to build a new world for an RTS Game.

So, you wanna write this? A question I’ve been waiting for. When Nick, the captain of our daring endeavor, approached me, A Year Of Rain was supposed to become a Fantasy RTS based on a well-known IP; and to be honest, I was more than fine with that. See, I like that IP, I am very familiar with it and just from a cerebral logistics standpoint, I’ve always been comfortable settling in an established system and give it my own spin. All I’d have to do was looking for one of the more ­obscure places and events of that world, work with that foundation, and tell an interesting tale.

Which I did. Vigorously.

Then we had to discard that approach. The world for our game would not be an established one. We needed to build it from scratch, every nook and cranny. And here’s how we did that, or rather, my first-time experiences with RTS narrative design and maybe some survival tips on how to navigate that minefield.

Super rough worldbuilding draft.

A new IP. Well… We took that turn of events in stride. After all, even if existing worldbuilding provides you with nomenclature, systems, a fan base and many more convenient tools in your box, it’s all double-edged: you can’t slip on lore, the systems restrain you, while gameplay and game design boundaries are sneaking up from behind. You also owe the fans maximum accuracy anyway to avoid alienation. Put like this, building your own world from scratch sounds a lot more appealing, doesn’t it? It’s a gorgeous blooming field of nearly endless possibilities and free of any veto you wouldn’t give yourself.

Right…?

The whole world in your hands I’ve done this for plenty tabletops and homebrew Pen & Paper systems. It’s important to have an interesting world for an interesting tale you want to tell. Doing this for a very specifically tagged game is a different beast altogether. To keep the field analogy going, when first thinking about a world for a Fantasy RTS game, I felt like I arrived a week after the harvest.

Staring into the abyss of fantasy intertextuality made me uncomfortable right from the start, when I was asking myself: ‘What kind of world is this going to be?’

Creating a new, compelling world for an RTS game is a challenge.

Standard globe, massive Midlandia continent where all the people hang out and fight each other or whatever? It’s been done – ad nauseam and to death.

A shattered world, with drifting pieces and… Shit, this has been done. Pocket dimension? Done. Flat, you could say, a disc-like world? Yeah, good luck.

Okay, but what if it has layers like an onion… Septerra Core? Who even remembers that?! I do, it was a very charming game, actually. Anyway, a world needs people. People are easy! Species, races, cultures, there are so many cool fantasy folks… which… have all been utilized to exhaustion.

Even as I am writing this, a game cropped up that is so eerily similar to the core ideas I eventually developed for my world and story that it snaps the credibility of parallel evolution and makes me reconsider my general stance on psychic spies. I came to terms with the notion long before that announcement, but it confirmed my take on worldbuilding I had to adapt if I wanted to keep my sanity: There are many, many worlds out there and chances are high you won’t reinvent the wheel. Take solace in the fact that you can craft a very efficient, aesthetically pleasing wheel!

For here comes the twist: Intertextuality is a good thing. Since I’m throwing that word around like I think I know what it means, here’s what it is… “The relationship between texts, especially literary ones.”

It’s the reason why references work. For example, why Pride & Prejudice & Zombies exists, and you still get what that title implies. It’s why Banner Saga doesn’t need to explain the language, cultural setting, or apparel of the world they created because we have read about or seen media featuring Vikings. Darkest Dungeon draws a lot of its appeal from weird fiction, gothic and cosmic horror and you understand that connection. It’s why many people love it when fictional characters or worlds reference the real world, or pop culture or even quote from other ­movies and works of literature. ­Because we get what that means. Because it’s a nod to what we, and probably the creator of that fiction, love (the latter being strictly speaking an allusion, but it fits under the same umbrella, bear with me here). In broad strokes, it means that people understand connections and baselines without your explanation, because someone, at some point, did a very similar thing and established a widely known convention with it.

Yes, we’ve made a papercraft map.

It seems like the bane of innovation You may feel like everything has been done already, or even get conflicted because a line you wrote is similar or identical to something that already exists. However, just like tropes, archetypes, and cliché, it’s a boon for your world’s foundation if you swing it with precision. Best case, whatever you decide: On a very basic level, your audience will have a fond connotation to many of the things you do. There’s a catch, of course. You’ll need a lot of lipstick for your intertextual pig. The real work for me started after laying the foundation when I decided what type of world I wanted and who populated it. Both choices, at a glance, weren’t too special, admittedly.

What I hoped made them special was thoroughly fleshing out every race, species, and culture, applying some twists here and there… I tried generating credible systems and all the bones and beams that not only support the worldbuilding but also telegraph and highlight what made this world compelling, comfortably familiar, yet also refreshing.

You can do a lot if you stick to some fantasy guns and bolster them with nuances. In A Year Of Rain, for example, dwarves are the most competent spellcasters and considering how this world is designed, it even makes sense, though it’s not something you see very often. And it escalated pretty easily from there: What are the consequences for other species? What is their strategy? And how would that other adjacent fantasy race act or evolve and so on? I did that for, I think, 16 species concepts and there was a point when there were more connections and ideas than I actually wanted.

After fleshing out all the cultural dynamics, historical angles, rules of magic, justifying dwarven rune-powered railguns, establishing how many terabytes of memories a sentient fungus could store compared to divine lichen and what kind of weed lizardfolk prefer to smoke, I was finally ready to apply all this to the game itself.

Or not.

Strategic Writing Turns out, an RTS has comparatively limited narrative space. I would go as far as to call it claustrophobic. Design and format of an RTS tend to isolate the parts of the world you build. You have one single map at a time to establish whatever you want to transport narratively. And you only get one shot, because there usually is, by design, no backtracking.

It’s fair to assume that’s one reason why this genre often struggles with thorough worldbuilding and story in its campaign and multiplayer. Everything you can show, tell and narrate has to fit in roughly 15-30 minutes of tiny people murdering each other in real time. Then, you move on to the next area where, you guessed it, you train tiny people and have them murder each other for 15-30 minutes.

There is little room to breathe, or significantly manipulate the game flow, or show the inhabitants of your world doing anything other than fighting and killing to do more fighting and killing. That’s where the majority of anything you’ll write will be focused on. The units you command have no narrative agenda, almost no space to reflect on what they’re doing or want to do; they fight and die and obey the great cursor.

“But Blizzard!” you say?

Campaign is a different horse. It’s easier there. You can, to a certain degree, pace what happens, insert cutscenes and design a fantasy, a goal, and establish what drives this narrative… And at least your characters get to talk and express opinions, motivation, broader personality and all that, so: Yes, Blizzard cracked the code in most of their campaigns and will probably remain on that throne till the flippin’ sun burns out. But looking at virtually all other RTS games, there’s a trend to keep the world simple, the greater worldbuilding or story potential unexplored (Warlords RTS, Grey Goo) or exaggerate other aspects enough that they tilt from ludicrous to awesome and thus make for a satisfying campy story (looking at you, Command & Conquer). There’s a reason why even master craftsmen like the folks at Blizzard preach the mantra: Gameplay first in RTS.

All that doesn’t mean you can’t tell a compelling story, it doesn’t mean you can’t build a fantastic world, but it means that it may feel awkward at first. It’s a much greater challenge than in an RPG, an adventure or something similar where you can weave both things easier into a nice colorful ­tapestry. For our game, there is no after-mission hub to talk to characters, no codex to look up things like history and lore, no audio logs, books or scrolls, no close-up first- or third-person perspective to do advanced intrinsic storytelling. RTS has a fast, relentless pace. Your opponent, be it a human or AI, won’t wait for you to absorb subjects declared second priority like a narrative or worldbuilding details. So, whatever you tell is ideally right there when you play.

Some rules and tools you know still apply accordingly. For example, each of our units has 17 standard response lines. You better believe I tried to cram as much character as I could in there, tried my best to give them personality you can relate to in a few clicks and with allusions to the world around them.

Daedalic’s development team is building the A Year Of Rain world.

Then there are our phenomenal art, design, sound and SFX people Worldbuilding is, of course, not only writing. How characters look, what gear they carry, how their magic or tools of trade manifest and interact, their body language, animation, and voice work… all that blasts open a welcome breach into the walls you run into with an RTS, just like with any other game. Though the world is delivered in chunks in this genre, you can still do plenty of environmental storytelling, be it through biomes, architecture, weather, or ambient sounds and how the whole palette interconnects through the game. The tools are there; they just need lots of attention. The more you have prepared, the better. Whatever you came up with, whatever your vision is, don’t use a crowbar. Listen to the other departments and let them work their magic, even, or especially when that means letting go of your brainchild because they came up with a cooler solution. I’m a writer. What the hell do I know about shapes and the right visual impact, or the finer points of ability synergies and level design? Try to trust people as they trust you.

This is a good time to point out that 50% of all my conceptual resources won’t make it directly into the game. Some things are just too intricate/niche and have no business being there considering the very tight space that’s rightfully conceded to the gameplay. Adjust that percentage further north, actually, since some visual ideas don’t make good silhouettes for in-game models, because they’d be too small, too noisy or just a pain to animate you could never justify. It’s fine, though. Compare it to an actor who’s told to come up with a backstory for a bunch of tiny props on their costume. They’ll never get any big reference in the movie, but they help the actor getting into the role.

As I’ve mentioned, the characters’ role is basically to fight and die, above all else. It creates a dissonance, intuitively. Telling war stories is no hard sell, but it adds a new layer to the worldbuilding itself. Is this a new conflict? Where will you locate it? Is it a flashpoint or a global affair, and how much sense does that make? How do you plan for the future, i.e., at the end of your campaign, is your world fixed or broken, and where does it go from there? Or is it even beyond fixing and stays in a constant, vicious cycle of warfare?

The one luxury I had here was that I got to have my cake and eat it too: I made a world that’s broken, and I elected to focus on one conflict on a very specific piece of land. It leaves enough breathing room to tease a much bigger playground around the elaborate nice sandbox we’ll ship with this game.

Narrative Design for an RTS is a wild ride. And despite the pinch of salt in the lines above I definitely enjoy the chance I’ve been given with this. This article is honestly a slapdash work of professional opinion, advise, and direct dirty development experience. It’s a rough field guide for those treading these grounds for the first time, informative entertainment, or a good foundation for discussion.

See you in that world we’ve built, if you’re so inclined!

Ben Kuhn

Ben Kuhn is a writer and narrative designer at Daedalic Entertainment. Seven years sailing for Daedalic, mostly as a translator, dialogue writer, and voice director, packing a Master of Arts in English literature and creative writing acquired at the University of Bremen and Maynooth. Signed up due to his love of the medium and good stories and continues to be happy about that choice.

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A Year of Rain: Writing Strategies published first on https://leolarsonblog.tumblr.com/

[ssimontis]

Digital Romance Brought to You by Pixar

I hate this Disney shit I want the end of it Television romances speaking to the masses While life situations just pass us by I don't believe in magic and it's not tragic Connections aren't formed they're taken by bandits As if a moment in the street is all we ever need To sow our seed in a future prepackaged like the goods we worship I say it's time to call the bullshit Life situations never happen like that You think a glance passing by can start a romance? I might have never learned to dance, the clubs weren't for me and the bars were too far out We don't know ourselves these days and that's the price we pay All interconnected technology our human side has bested We can't interact without a glowing white screen Blue light fatigues the mind but fairly tales corrupt our minds We pick and choose partners with a swipe left or right When technology went cordless it took away our courtship We forget the ones around us the friends that surround us I never took chances because the consequences were too rancid But all of life is a game to create decay and betray I was afraid of failure to the point I couldn't bear Harboring emotions so dark they sent me into depression But nothing stays forever the people in our lives stay never You have to take chances to win take risks for a spin A coward in social interactions I've always been But are our new methods of selection a glorious resurection? All I needed to do was talk to you We sat across from each other and I let my favorite code Form a fearful abode where you didn't exist so I couldn't resist The guilt and frustration of the chances daily wasted From the moment I saw you I knew that I wanted you But direct confrontation was never my style Irony takes time because distance so limited now grows infinite Medications meant to slow my mind left me feeling restless The proposed feeling of calm not going to make these frustrations fall I now crave human contact when I took it out of the contract Trained to isolate by all the shit I loved to freebase well All of the time lost in my mind playing back fantasies I could never turn into reality With that attitude I knew couldn't bring positivity and So I came to work every day with half a brain to avoid the insane Thought that you and I would get caught in something worth more than my lot I tried to impress you the issues I dozed for you The music we shared but of shallow talk I was aware And every time I saw you react to another person I felt like being stabbed in the back But insecurity paralyzed me the fears were the worst in me It took me giving up everything I had just to finally take a chance Most of my crew came from a life I barely knew At this present moment but they were my biggest proponents Maybe it was liquid courage maybe I finally conquered the scourge of my reluctant ways But by the pool side that day I finally felt related to the person I debated Approaching every day hoping it would be the time I found my way To make the perfect move that doesn't exist no matter how hard I wish The last time I fell so fast it's a miracle that some of it could last Two lives torn apart in a passionate reaction with consequences unexpected So I learned to take it slow because I can't take that blow again Never physical but like I know battery can come emotionally I might not have fully learned that lesson that'll be a confession But the way we hit it off just made me more pissed off About days weeks and months where I was reluctant as fuck To put myself out there no matter how much it could suck Time is ironic but I'm not laughing I'm gasping At the stupidity and ludicrously hesitant ways before I went away For all this talk of contact physical but not in the sense your mind is going It only took hours for those barriers to fall away And now I have to hope that what we built that day will cease to decay But I ran out of time and chances and it was time to flee Mostly to get away from me but the side I hated came along anyway And now we're back to electrifying friendship through digital networks At least I get a paycheck to keep those messages flowing Hoping you are knowing my aims I pray won't end up in dismay True you never saw the sides of me my destruction abided by But thank God I had the chance to find a new path You understood some of the parts of me less than good But if you saw me honest I think I could be understood I missed the best chance but hopefully it won't be the last But the development to my restless dreams are now dependent On text messages I'm afraid to send Deleting every word seeking the perfect phrase my mind can mend I forgot how infatuation is such an appealing reaction My mind revving up before it's time to even get up But the determined part of my swears never to give up There's always fear of failure and this situation is nothing different When I stand outside ai can at least calm my mind But secretly I'm plotting the next steps to somehow get you on my doorstep I have a fragile ego something that grows into something fanciful Caught in between blind belief and fears Im scared I will never defeat As much as I hated on the networks we try to build love upon Now I find it my only chance at getting to the end of this A part of me can see the outcome doesn't matter All these hopes and dreams are easy to scatter But I pray for something better even though the odds are slowing If I'm persistent with the system I criticized for deafening our lives I've never stood strong in all my beliefs, but that's everyone's case to my relief The things I hate on I know have to wait on When that message finally reached you what are you gonna do? I have it all planned out, I manned up and made the rounds But depending on your reaction it might turn into a frown Only time will tell if I keep up with digital persistence Are my intentions worthless banter or is there something growing That we both are feeling and knowing I know there are others countless choices and growing But I maintain a single focus that's what calms my mind the most I wish you could get these intentions by osmosis I just have to continue to try until my intentions are clear in your mind Maybe I'm ill-adjusted this wouldn't be the first time But something deep inside me wants you to be mine I'm in this for the Long haul there's no going back like Total Recall My friends tell me to cool it maybe it's not worth pushing it Life has passed me by about a million different times I'm sick of being paralyzed in wonder if what could have happened down under I've got a lot of possibilities and probabilities to calculate right now But when I stop the computation it's you who seems like the mountain I want to climb and get to know the ssence of your inner flow I've been afraid to be a full person maybe you could complete me Surviving every day is the biggest goal that has to stay But I don't need a reminder to send some lustful thoughts your way This obsession might be another hard lesson My mind works in cycles that my ilness refines Some of the compulsions obsessions and cycles Take my train off thought off the track for miles They say I have trouble approaching reality Not like psychosis but I don't see things like most of us So as I stare at a screen writing well intentioned poetry All I can hope for is that the words come out direct on the floor I never set expectations my intentions always blurry clear But can I write the message that will synchronize our minds Right now we're in first gear and I keep stalling out But once you put that clutch down it's easy to get around Let's take this into fifth gear I just need words like Shakespeare Risks I'm now willing to take because here I have no one else to relate Maybe times will change and I'll downshift our route But in the present moment climbing those gears is a concern to severe Maybe I'll get over it meet people and forget the Ritz But as of right now this growth is what I'm hunting down I have friends to guide me who expect me to rely On their advice and guidance when I get out of line But on this they said fuck it, abandon hope you Miss's I know my priorities are disorder I need to beat this present day But thoughts of the future keep me away I can't hold them at Bay Sleepless nights spend debating if my actions are creating A framework we can work with and build up a system That I've been planning in my mind, got it so well defined Tomorrow I wake up and hustle my goals practical and actionable But I'm looking for a chance to change my stance and spend some time on this Can I win you over or will life tell me "Go Fish"